Why Your Partner’s Support Matters Most — How I’ve Seen Partners Make a Difference at INOVA Loudoun Births
Brené Brown uses a term I’ve always loved: FFT — the “Freakin’ First Time.” It’s her way of naming those moments when we’re doing something brand new, feeling oversized emotions, and trying to find our footing in completely unfamiliar territory. And truly…very few people are great at something the first time they do it.
Birth is the ultimate FFT.
Not just for the birthing person—but for partners, too.
Partners, your role in birth is irreplaceable
Partners, the kind of support you bring into the birth room is something no one else can offer. Your presence, your voice, your history together—these things create a level of safety, love, and grounding that simply can’t be replicated. I bring skills, tools, and experience as a doula, but what you bring is the emotional anchor. And that matters more than anything I can do alone.
My own FFT: what we learned from our first birth
When my husband and I had our first baby, we didn’t hire a doula. But we did take a fantastic, comprehensive childbirth education class that met weekly for six weeks. We learned so much—about the stages of labor, how to prepare for birth, postpartum basics, and a whole toolkit of comfort measures.
But here’s the truth:
In the moment, all that knowledge flew right out the window.
It was our FFT. And when things got intense, neither of us were mentally reaching for the TENS unit, massage techniques, counter pressure, the shower…any of it. Only afterward did we realize, “Wait—why didn’t we try those things?”
It’s not fair to expect partners to remember everything
Partners are often asked to be emotional support, physical support, medical translator, researcher, advocate, and coach…all while witnessing the person they love most go through one of the most vulnerable and powerful experiences of their life.
Expecting someone to remember every technique they learned weeks or months earlier—during their FFT—is a tall order.
And this is where having a doula makes the difference.
I’m not there to take over. I’m there to help partners rise to the moment. I offer guidance, reminders, and hands-on teaching in real time so you can do what you do best—offer deep love and steady presence.
Helping partners build confidence before the big day
In my six-week prenatal yoga series, class five is dedicated entirely to comfort measures for labor. It’s one of my favorite sessions because we slow down and really let partners practice.
This two-hour class includes:
Counter pressure techniques
Massage and hands-on touch that actually eases contractions
A mock “labor scene” so partners get comfortable supporting in a realistic environment
Familiarity with tools, positions, and communication styles that help birth feel more manageable
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s comfort, muscle memory, and confidence.
A story from INOVA Loudoun: the power of partner presence
Recently, at an INOVA Loudoun birth, a mom I was supporting reached the pushing phase and her contractions started spacing out. Pitocin was mentioned as an option to bring contractions closer together again.
Before moving to that intervention, we encouraged her partner to come in close, offer a long, grounding hug, and give her some loving, hands-on support.
Within minutes…
her contractions picked up again.
That’s the power of oxytocin—our love hormone.
And partners are the biggest oxytocin boosters in the room.
Your partner is irreplaceable. I’m just the guide.
No doula, no provider, no tool can replace the connection you share with your partner. Their touch, their voice, their presence—those things change the chemistry of labor in the most beautiful ways.
My role is simple:
I help partners know what to do, so their support can shine.
Because when partners feel confident, calm, and capable, moms feel it too—and birth unfolds in a way that feels more connected, empowered, and supported.
If you and your partner want to feel more prepared, confident, and connected before birth, my six-week Prenatal Yoga Series is a beautiful place to start.
In class five, we dedicate an entire session to comfort measures for labor—hands-on techniques, partner support tools, and a guided “mock labor” practice that helps everything feel so much more natural in the moment.
It’s one of the most empowering ways to get on the same page before the big day, and I’d love to support you both as you prepare for this experience together.
